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Who do you want to be?

If you asked me who I wanted to be when I grow up, I had no idea. Growing up in a crumbled socialist utopia, I lived in an unchecked capitalism. I didn't want to be involved in a system that chewed people up alive. A system that cut down forests and dumped waste into nature. Corporations don't provide for people, governments do (they are supposed to). Corporations look after their own interests. Greed eats people up. Even if I didn't actively know it at the time, I didn't want to belong to that system.

My aspirations of journalism and record producer were actively shut down by my parents. Journalists have very unsafe balconies where I come from. Record producer? What a dream! Here I am, an empty slate. Inspired by activism and socialism, not by commerce. No idea what to do in my life, but I wasn't going to be a fool like my high school classmates and get a degree in a useless subject like Psychology or Philosophy. I wanted a guarantee of a job. A job. An emptiness floating in ether. I went to business school because it was safe and comfortable. I hate comfortable. I travelled to many places in the world. Nothing compared to the the culture shock of arriving to a place filled 18 year olds who had their future decided. Accounting, finance, some other bullshit.

I floated with the nerds who had very ordinary passions and interests. Real interests outside business case studies would pull them too far away from their real passion. Accounting. It was 4 years of misery, where I found my solace in German Studies and Franz Kafka. Turns out the fools that went to study Philosophy weren't so foolish after all.

I did enter the business world and sabotaged my career again and again. I didn't understand how I could apply my strengths. I thought I had nothing to offer because I didn't want to climb the ladder like everyone else. I was so bored. It was boring to help someone else make money selling stupid ideas that solved for nothing. It continued until I entered work place chaos. Barrier to entry is so low that any confident fool can start up a company and have VC backing. Turns out people like me are abused by chaos and fools, they smell our low sense self-worth. Our desire to prove ourselves. Chaos turns to boredom. I finally realized that I don't need to be in commerce. I can do whatever the hell I want and apply my passion to work. It took me 34 years to finally understand what I want to do when I grow up. It's not too far off from journalist and record producer.

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